The Seven Sins of Motherhood According to Barbie

Monday - "Mummy has to work..." (Guilt)

1/3/2015

Polly

2/3/2015 04:12:21 am

This is a really interesting one....I went back to work when my youngest child was 4 months old - I was lucky as I went part time and both boys could come (I ran a community Pre-School). When Dan was 3 I went back to work full time. Did I feel guilty? Not really - I felt as though I was making a positive difference to their lives. My husbands job at the time was very poorly paid and the money I bought in meant the difference bewtween just about surviving and being able to have the odd little treat. We were lucky in that we had excellent childcare and only needed it for a little while until they were both at schoool. I also think that when I was at home with them I was much more focused on them because it was precious time - I know I would have been awful if I had been at home all the time. What I always did notice was that people would tell me how lucky I was that my husband 'helped with the children' - the children that were jointly ours but everyone seemed to assume were soley my responsibility and that it would be me not my husband who would need to make career choices if things were not working out (fortunately that was not his view!). My children- now adults- seem to have survived and be happy. So no I didn't feel guilty but I often feel guilty that I don't feel guilty!

Tracy

2/3/2015 04:58:04 am

I had this one only this morning. Youngest had a tummy ache and fancied a day at home watching films with me. I used the falling snow to distract him and get him dressed and out to school before he had noticed what had happened. I'm sure he'll be having a great day at school though......

Zia

2/3/2015 05:20:33 am

It's far easier to work full time now Hannah is at full time school. I'm fortunate enough to have the support of a great mum and husband who help out with the school run as my job takes me out of the area regularly. There's always guilt pangs, particularly in the mornings when it's constant rushing around as well as when I can't make events such as class assemblies due to work commitments. I count myself lucky though that as a civil servant I have taken a term time contract so I am able to take four weeks in August and extra time at Christmas and Easter. I do feel that having a routine and Hannah seeing me go out to work which in turn enables a nice lifestyle I am setting a good example for her future aspirations.

Susan

2/3/2015 06:00:09 am

Barbie looks nice doesn't she. She's handing out sweets...to sugar the pill....she's not bending down to see the world from their point of view. House is clean too. I want use words like "earn" and "deserve" so maybe there is guilt somewhere. However I don't think it's guilt, it's just pain of separation for me. I feel deeply sad / in actual pain being apart from the grand-children (who are the ones I've parented the most), however, like Barbie I'm an adult in an adult world and I know that however much I emphasise play in my work I would be good at being at home all the time. I also don't look that nice either. Patchy results all ways round and my kitchen isn't clean. Not guilty, just grumpy.

2/3/2015 07:43:48 am

This feeling is daily for me. It gets less as my children get older. I especially wonder about the role model I set for my daughter as a working mum. There is a contradiction there as you would never say a working dad!
I value the flexibility that academic work allows me to sometimes take my children to school - they are all at secondary now. But on the flipside is that some evenings and weekends are shadowed by my need to do work at home. On the positive side is we can talk about my research and my husband has recently completed a PhD so I have his support and understanding. It is my turn now!

viv

2/3/2015 07:44:46 am

hmmm, an interesting one. I had no plans to be a stay at home mum and really enjoy my work so never planned at being home full time. The dilemma comes when I do not have the ability to do the things that I think I should with them... for example be off with them every day over school holidays. My husband does not seem to feel the same way about it as I do so can detach more easily (or appears to). I feel as though I am letting them down by not spending that time with them and I want to be there sharing those experiences. Do I placate them by buying things? I do not think so, they do not ask for things when we are out but I do enjoy 'treating' them from time to time. But there are the days when I am tired and want to sit on the sofa, sleep, read etc and I feel selfish, that brings out the guilt. We can not have it all and in busy pressurised lives we have to be kinder to ourselves.

Claire

2/3/2015 08:03:17 am

I was lucky to work from home with my older child but now my little boy is in nursery 1/2 days I am working at their school three days till 5.30 so I don't see as much of them as they and I would like. It's also a struggle and feel guilty as I'm studying too. That time should be spent with them! I'm pleased with my results but feel guilty for not being there for school pick ups and bedtimes as I'm at college. And mummy's more grumpy because she's always tired.

2/3/2015 08:22:20 am

Guilty has many facets for me. Because I have to leave work at 4.30pm at the latest because I need to pick up (and simply see) my child or can't start at 8am because of childcare issues or can't answer emails at weekends and evenings because of putting my child to bed I feel guilty with my work. I find I feel as if I am being compared to my colleagues (unsure if it is a reality) and judged for my (lack of) commitment.

I also feel guilty because my child is currently considered by teacher to be 'not meeting expectations' because they cannot read or write blends by the age of 5. I should do extra curriculum work with them but as I am home late I cannot dedicate time to study and they and I are tired so we end up being grumpy. I try at weekends but again this is a guilt 'duty' activity rather than what we both would rather do which is to count and draw (and possibly pretend to eat!) worms. Also the food I offer (Like Barbie in the picture) isn't always a home-cooked meal as I have no time and so microwave 'little dish' meal and feed me later. I do 'mummy' meals when I work from home or at the weekend. So, a sit down family meal that has been cooked from scratch by me may happen at a weekend but not always during the week.

I also feel guilty because there have been a few times when I have been so tired of no 'me' time that I have stayed at work longer than necessary because I knew that when I got home, my child would in bed and all would be quiet yet if I make it home by 7 then there would be an expectation by my husband that I bath, put my child to bed and read a story.

Finally, my phd has guilt attached to it because when at work and home I steal time.

So, guilt for leaving family 'nurture' for weekends and weekdays are family survival also my 'nurture' is something that isn't a right but an opportunity that I have to look for.

Sue Ritchie link

2/3/2015 09:55:25 am

I bought my son up as a single mum, while I worked full time as a teacher. I went back to work when he was four months old, around the time I found myself single again - it wasn't guilt so much that I felt, but rather a sadness at the time. I feel I missed out on so much of his early years as I had to go out and support us both. I would have loved to have done the playgroup and infant school runs but instead, the child-minder did it for me. I did get used to it and eventually settled on a child-minder that was more like a granny to him. There was a period of a few years when I missed school productions and sports days which I felt very guilty for but he doesn't mention the younger years. I know as an adult now he talks about me missing rugby matches as he got older. It's those things I feel more keenly and feel the real guilt about, missing the important things as he grew older, due to work commitments and circumstances. They still need you as they get older and don't always understand why you're not there - and of course they can articulate it more! He still brings up to this day, a couple of events that leave a sour taste in my mouth even though I know he's had a fabulous time growing up, travelling the world with me. It's the little things that really count - and the absence of them will be remembered for a long time. That's where my guilt lies.

Helen

2/3/2015 10:22:30 am

I feel guilty every time I hurry Nat to get ready for school. Then I think that school functioned to keep children from the workplace and I should worry less about it. Leaving Nat at 6months was a wrench for me made sweet only by being made redundant from half of my job. What happened? Lots of debt it Nat just had to go to misery one day a week for a year. Still I feel sad/pained if I am rushing off to get to a meeting.

Lynne

2/3/2015 10:28:49 am

Situations change so unexpectedly and you find your careful plans flying away. Looking back flexibility was our key to managing work issues. My husband and I sorted out the best options available through quite challenging and changeable times. I believe strongly that children have a right to a lot of cuddles and personal attention so having prioritized that and found a way to cover our financial base there was no point in feeling guilty. Leaving them when I had to work was often very hard but it was just us missing each other, the same sort of thing to get our heads around as them having an injection or going to nursery for the first time. The two of us organized our own work so we were in effect each other’s boss. I felt guilty that we were often exhausted and worried from the same source so there were disadvantages too. You do the best you can to get the balance right.

Jayne

2/3/2015 11:26:36 am

As a working mum I feel guilty everyday, about getting my son up so early... when he could be having a lie in, when he has a temperature... and he should stay at home... but I have to go to work and can't get the time off. But on a positive note, I am my sons role model and I want to make him proud of his mum. This I feel is so important. But only time will tell ...

Wendy Dixon

2/3/2015 11:29:04 am

I took 8 years out of full time working as I wanted to be a full time mum. Financially this time was very difficult so the temptation to go back to work and the offer of a job when Rory was just 4 (before he had started school) was a great opportunity. The first day I went to drop off Rory's things at the 'recommended' child minder and was shocked to see her husband sat in a cloud of smoke!!! The arrangement was that she was to pick up Rory after playschool. There and then I told them he wouldn't be coming - panic and guilt were one at that time...to cut a long story short the girl who was helping out at the playschool offered to take him...which has led to a lifelong friendship...
Guilt - when my son told me that he cried when I was not at his sports days (from 4 onwards).
Guilt - trying to justify working by highlighting the extra things the children had because of the extra income.
Guilt - enjoying the opportunity to talk about other things other than children.
Guilt - when I was a single parent - having to ask family to help out when I studied at night to gain promotion
My children are now 35 and 31. Hannah has two children but works when they are at school. Rory has four and his wife is a stay at home wife (but to be able to afford to do this they have had to go to the middle east to work)

Anne

2/3/2015 11:40:55 am

I have always worked, so Holly knows no different really (she is 7 now). It is also a choice. Without a purpose I am miserable, bored and become petty. This is not a good person for Holly to be around. I think that because it is my choice Holly doesn't pick up on it as being a negative thing. Also, the fact that she doesn't appear to mind most of the time lessens the guilt. The exception is times such as Christmas events or other special occasions, when "all the other mummies" were there. I don't beat myself up about it any more as I have realised it doesn't change anything. We manage to have quality time together and are really close, with cuddles every night and morning.I look forward to it immensely and cherish the time with her. Holly is growing up to be an independent little lady and we sit together working; her on her homework or games and me with my planning. I think though, it depends on the age and nature of the child and in that respect I count myself fortunate (I don't look like Barbie either and my house is a tip, but I don't care any more).

Concha

2/3/2015 12:24:31 pm

Guilt as such I never felt. If something, I felt a bit sad to stop breastfeeding a bit before I would have done. Otherwise, I was lucky to have a quite flexible job and to see my children quite happy in nursery or with the childminder. I felt much better for being able to work, socialise and come back home sort of fulfilled. I was also happy to share with my husband the childcare.

Lisa

2/3/2015 12:26:48 pm

This image really resonates with me. I feel guilty on so many fronts - guilty that I leave the house before Tom wakes up and I have to ring him to say good morning.. Guilty because I don't make tom'a breakfast, lunch or tea... During the night when he has a nightmare of is sick he shouts for nick so as not to disturb me because he knows I have to get up so early... Do I over compensate?? .. Yes.. I am the soft touch.. I let Tom stay up laye(hen feel guilty about that).. Buy him extra teats at the weekend .. (Know that's not good all if the time and feel guilty about that). Yet Tom is wonderful. He understands that I work, walks in the room and hugs me loads, tells me he loves me . At 9, he is loving and grounded and at 9 has the amazing ability to be sensivite to my needs... Our family needs- so I may feel huge guilt but my son manages to help me put it in to perspective.

Kelly

2/3/2015 12:58:12 pm

This image resonates with me every morning and evening. I feel immensely guilty for not being able to walk my children to school every morning and pick them up at 3:30pm along with, what seems like the majority of the other mums.
I believe I am setting a good example to my children, that they too can aspire to have a career and be a parent. However I wont pretend that it is easy. I certainly don't look and feel how Barbie is depicted in this picture.
Guilt sets in when there are special school lunches, assemblies, awards, sports days etc that I cannot attend and the " oh Mum" response. Why is it that the fathers don't seem to be expected to attend in the eyes of the child and society?.
It is also hard when you get a phone call to say they are unwell and don't feel that you are able to go and collect them, so frantically ring around to find someone to collect your child. I ensure that although I am busty and work hard in my own career, that I listen to them ,cook the tea, read the bedtime stories and then begin my work in the evening once they have gone to bed - not an easy task!
I do believe that I try and over compensate throughout the weekend with love, attention, time and treats to make up for the busy weeks.
I am hoping that my children see me as positive role model for them for the future,

Frith

2/3/2015 01:35:33 pm

its fascinating to read everyone's comments. I feel guilty often. I should be able to switch off from work (I can't), I shouldn't check emails in the evening/weekends (impossible), I should cook from scratch more often...I should have healthy and wholesome recipes in my head and be able to rustle up lovely things from the odds and ends in our fridge, I should hear my daughter read more, help her with her homework more, listen to her more...in fact that applies to my husband too! I strive for a family life which exists in Tinsel Town and am frustrated when it doesn't meet expectation. I juggle 3 different jobs; 2 proper ones and one for fun. I also have to finish my MA before May OR ELSE (not sure what, just know it has to be done!). I often wonder if the income makes it all worthwhile. I often wonder would I be satisfied to not work. And then feel guilty that I wonder 😊.

2/3/2015 01:56:06 pm

My mum worked and recommended us to get a career in case of divorce or other circumstances. I have worked part-time which I have really enjoyed. My daughter and I were talking about me working at home and she said she never really understood what was going on. I feel a bit guilty that I didn't explain more but as for working; no I don't feel guilty but then I was able to work part-time and therefore had the best of both worlds. The good thing also is that my husband and I shared the child care especially at nursery.

Elaine link

2/3/2015 01:59:27 pm

In relation to the picture of Barbie - Mummy has to work (guilt). Guilt is a difficult emotion. For me it probably stems from the idea that I want to give my children everything which I know is not possible and so compromises have to be made which can lead to feelings of guilt because we cannot be everything to everyone no matter how hard we try. When my first child was born I was a single parent and so had to work. My Mum looked after Jacquie 3 days a week and I had a childminder for 2 days. Jacquie was happy and although I missed her which I felt really sad about I didn’t feel guilty because there was no other choice. I did have a tendency to buy treats at the week-end mainly books which we could read together to make up for not being there during the week. When I married and had Alex Shelly and Matty I gave up work and thoroughly enjoyed being at home with all the children. We never had much money but the house was always filled with their friends and the noise of happy children playing was a constant in our home so I felt the sacrifices were worth it. When studying at university I became a single parent again. Finances were a constant battle with four teenage children to bring up but we worked together helping each other. This experience made us strong as a family and I know that my children felt loved but their friends were able to have experiences that I wanted my children to have but couldn’t afford. This is when guilt or regret became my companion. As the children became adults I re-married and Hayley and Olivia were born. I was the breadwinner and Keith gave up work to look after the girls. I found this very difficult and so we compromised both working part time until they started school. Now that we are both working full time we can provide many experiences for the girls but there are still compromises to be made. I try really hard to make sure that I spend time with all the children and my wonderful grandson but I know that I get really tired trying to work full time and balance the needs of all the family. As older parents I think we realise just how precious time is. I am lucky that I have some flexibility at work and so can attend sports events etc but feel guilty when I have to work in the evening or at the week-end to make up for it. Keith misses out enormously as he works nights and so only really sees the girls at the week-ends but he phones every morning and evening to speak to them. It isn’t just Mums who feel guilty about not being able to spend time with their children because they are at work. Maybe we should also have an image of Ken – Daddy has to work (guilt).

Jane

2/3/2015 03:09:16 pm

More important to me than feelings of guilt was my sense of feeling jealous of the care-givers who got to spend time with our previous daughter!! She was the only one of the ten babies we conceived who survived to term. The others died in my womb. I just wanted to have the fun of watching her grow. There was guilt too, of course. Guilt about not devoting as much time and energy to my job as I had BC (before Clare). And guilt if she did a long day at nursery. As far as we could tell she seemed happy and relaxed at nursery. She was there part time as I managed to juggle and negotiate different working patterns. Since one of my full working days was Sunday, that meant she enjoyed spending more time with her Dad that day. Seeing Barbie with two children makes me feel a bit jealous...

Sue

2/3/2015 04:54:05 pm

Guilty? Yes - I feel it! Sorry that I work? No!
I went back to work after both my pregnancies. First one after 6 months. Missed spending time with my little girl. Second (twins), took 12 months off. Couldn't wait to get back to work if only to be able to eat my lunch in peace! However, the stress, not to mention the nursery fees, soon made me wonder why I was doing it to myself! Not to mention the fact that my role at work had changed. As I'd gone back part-time, they couldn't give me back my old job which required full-time! Instead, I was offered a different role - one which I didn't really understand. I was given no support and didn't know what was expected of me. I sat in my chair and made lists for shopping. After 3 months, I gave it up to spend time at home.
It DROVE me MAD!!!! I felt trapped! Don't get me wrong, I love my kids to bits! But who was I now? All childcare was down to me. I had no support. I had no social life other than with the children. I got depressed.
As soon as they started reception clas, I started working - this time, part time in a school so I could do school hours. This was great! Some routine. Some time to myself. And always there for the children. Win, win!
I've retrained. Ive become a single mum. And I'm still working in a school, but more full-time now. I dash about madly in the mornings, shouting at everyone to be ready. I dash out after work, picking up and taking to activities. Arranging lifts with other mums where needed. I feel guilty that I don't have enough quality time with each of them, but proud that I am bringing up three girls who are caring and kind. Our precious moments come at sometimes unexpected times. Like when I'm in the middle of a rant about being on time when driving the girls to school. One of them will say something witty or funny, or just retort with something so utterly clever or grown up that puts me in my place. They make me laugh. They humble me. And I admire them for growing up despite my neglect and feeble attempts at mothering them.
The hardest thing for me is that I have to be totally responsible for my three girls' lives. I've never been good at responsibility. I am a free spirit (not that you'd notice now!). I feel guilty about not being able to provide them with enough "things", but mostly I feel guilty about not being able to take them to wonderful places around the globe. I had an amazing childhood in Africa. We had no TV. Only radio, books and outside. But the things I loved most about home? The quiet. The calmness and the security. I feel most worried that in my stressed life, I can't provide that feeling for my girls.

Rebecca

3/3/2015 03:19:39 am

I have always worked full time, bar three maternity leaves, until this academic year, when I converted to 0.6 I am fortunate in having a job that is pretty flexible, but in fact the pressure (guilt?) came more in the other direction: I wasn't able to do my job enough. I decided to actively oppose guilt in the last few years. The pressure to be a Good Barbie to everyone is poisonous and strong for women. It's OK to love work, to want to make things and make things happen, and do change. And it's OK to want to spend time with your children and be there for them. It's not OK to walk round NEVER FEELING LIKE ANY OF IT IS GOOD ENOUGH. This is a poisonous culture of different competing 'greedy institutions'. I want agency in the world, and I want my children to feel cared for, so setting up work vs childcare is a problem for me (and will be for Barbie, ultimately...)

What is the solution? Institutional changes, so that children and parenting are welcomed into workplace cultures? As a senior staff member I try to ensure I talk about my responsibilities so others feel able to talk about theirs too. Maybe, women making themselves aware of good enough parenting, good enough housecleaning, good enough kids. So they ate hot dogs? So the music doesn't get practiced everyday? So I didn't have lipstick on? I. DON'T. CARE. ANYMORE.

The other thing that comes with teenagers I think is that you begin to realise, hopefully, that a new relationship emerges, in which it is not all about the precious and fleeting ownership of lost moments. Instead, it is great to focus on how independent and confident they are, how much they value work themselves, how much you can work to build friendship and support in a different, less possessive way. I like this, and it gives me confidence (fingers crossed that no-one ends up a. on drugs, b. a father by 18, or c. unemployed except for Xbox by 20...) that I am doing OK...

Val

3/3/2015 03:56:20 am

I feel a bit of a cheat here as I don't have children ( decision). I enjoyed a full and happy career which I gave 100% to and often wondered how other colleagues managed it with children. I experienced some of the tug of competing responsibilities and family ties - often having to turn down invitations from family, not being as available as I wanted to be for my partner and ageing parents. However, they were always old enough to understand my conflicting interests. I've always tried to support my colleagues when they have had challenges at work arising from family concerns but I hold my hand up to them as I know I couldn't have done the job I did if I'd had a family.

Jane

3/3/2015 04:34:46 am

I had no guilt and have no current guilt. I have a flexible job for which I get paid much less than a non child friendly job in the private sector. I think my children are lucky and take me for granted as is entirely natural for those that know no different.

Adele

3/3/2015 09:53:45 am

Yes guilt when my children said "why did you have us if you are going to leave us in breakfast club, school then after school club and then still work when you get home". I felt dreadful and so went part time 30hrs. I still worked but just didn't get paid for the extra hours as I felt guilt for my employer and colleagues! It isn't easy but I am learning to balance. My employer now allows me to work from home from 3 onwards which is great but in truth working full time and looking after family and home is exhausting! I know that when they are both at High School it will get easier :-)

Claire

3/3/2015 11:21:48 am

I want my children to grow up with the attitude that you have to work hard and know that things won't be handed to them on a plate. I have always worked, and of course I feel guilty when I can't attend parents lunches or assemblies but I remind my children that if they want the latest Xbox games and holidays abroad, then mummy has to work. Personally, if I didn't work I would go mad!! Then I would be of no use to my children! I currently work 5 days a week and am doing a degree and my children are really proud of me!

Kate

3/3/2015 11:31:15 am

I hold on to words of wisdom during my PGCE (thanks Sarah) and they are that I hope my commitment to work provides my children with the same ethics as I work too now. My children are in child care from 7.30 until 6pm at the moment- this stresses me immensely- however, it does not stress them at all. They are getting use to my busy life and absolutely love their child care and the friends that they spend time with there. (I am lucky they have a fab school). Guilt still gets to me though- I find this a healthy guilt, as I could easily wrap myself in work 24-7 at the moment- the guilt leads me to spending precious, quality time with them. At the moment- guilt is working for me.

Fenella

3/3/2015 12:50:40 pm

I don't feel guilty about working, especially now, working part time and mostly school hours, so I am very involved in home life.

Even when I worked full-time, I didn't feel guilty at all - I felt empowered. I enjoyed the working mother routine, at least while I had the had support of grandparents on hand to cover my short-fallls (which included the school run every afternoon, but I think my mum genuinely enjoyed that at the time, and gave her a chance for 10 minutes chat in the schoolyard, with mums and other grandparents, as is the way...)
I have always arranged my work life to have the least impact on my children, working close to home even when the potential career was elsewhere. There are some work regrets, but better those than regrets about not being there for my children. On my deathbed, I don't think the work issues will flash through my mind, but perhaps a lifetime of relationships, the most important of which are with my children.

Lorna

3/3/2015 02:45:25 pm

I do not currently feel guilty. However, there were times when I felt extremely guilty, particularly when my children were younger and unwell and I was at work, as opposed to caring for them. Fortunately, I had the support of grandparents and friends to ease the feelings of guilt.

Emma

3/3/2015 03:35:06 pm

The guilt is now less as the children are used to not having me around to take and collect them from school. I have always worked part time since having children, but was flexible and always took them to school and collected them from school. I am fortunate to have a very supportive family and the children now enjoy seeing more of their grandparents as they support my husband and I with child care as we both work full-time. The massive bonus is having the school holidays to spend with the children and this is the payback which eases any guilt.

Ann

4/3/2015 04:47:23 am

Guilt has been part of my life for so long, I hardly notice it.
I was able to work part time for several years when my three children were small and that worked well for me. I am paying the price now, however, with a greatly reduced pension! I am so grateful to have kept my career going or I might have become one of those divorced middle aged women on the poverty line. I have instilled in my daughter the need td keep her career going in some shape or form, and I have instilled in my boys the importance of the partnership that is needed in bringing up children. Fingers crossed that this works. I now feel guilt that my 99 year old mother is in a home. I visit her most days and we try to have fun but I know she is waiting for my next visit!
Will this ever end?
On a cheery note, my daughter gave birth to a gorgeous baby boy this morning and he is my first grandchild. She will return to work in 10 months and hopes to drop a day to 4 days...they cannot afford to lose more income than this. She says I was a role model for her which is lovely.

RachG

4/3/2015 01:43:19 pm

Yes I feel guilty but also know that nursery is great for my son.
I hate...absolutely hate...it when my son says is it 'mummy day today?' Or 'is it daddy day?' 'Or is it nursery day?' -the first thing he says as he wakes up. It's so sad. My husband and I are happily married but due to work commitments and shift work, our sons day varies that much. He is fine and actually has turned out a really confident and flexible child who doesn't get stressed or worried by change. I don't think it really affects him but I over analyse everyone and yes I let myself feel guilty. Like others, not because I work, not because he goes to nursery but because I can't do it all!

vicky Duckworth

5/3/2015 04:51:37 am

Yes, I felt guilty especially when they were at nursery and primary school (Niamh only went up to seniors this September). It was hard to get the balance between working full-time and being a what I considered to be a good mum who was there for the girls. I suppose looking back i also felt a guilt at knowing the week ahead would have me working long hours and investing time that deep inside me i knew should be with the girls - but i was lucky to have a good hubby who was supportive and did half the care even though he too worked full-time. That monday always felt like i was on on a hamster wheel and i was often emotionally drained and charged at the same time - a real paradox was in place. My work place was one that demanded a great deal of my time and the admin was huge so this impacted on my time and guilt too. I felt i was on 24 hours duty - what with emails and work demands - it was tough and i just had to think you know what i can get through this and it's the old cliche' it's for my girls to offer them opportunities i'd not had. But guilt is something that i still often feel and a sense of loss that i could not saturate myself in motherhood - perhaps i would have loved it - i'll never know. I have perspective in many ways now and the time and energy i feel have been useful in shaping me and the way i am hopefully influences my girls and my relationship with my husband in a posive way. But when you're caught in balancing childcare and work and them Monday mornings - it sometimes feel like huge mountain of treacle. I am so lucky that i have a wonderful small group of close friends that have been a wall of strength for me and a couple of them have been working mums too - so sharing our stories and our vulnerabilities has been important to keep resilient and real. Sisterhood as a tool to challenge guilt and be empowered has been and continues to be important to em and my life both on a professional and personal level. I hope my stream of consciousness makes sense as i have written spontaneously to hopefully offer you a more authentic picture of my landscape of guilt on a monday morning love Vicky

Liana

8/3/2015 04:07:51 am

Experienced this many times when taking my daughter to grandparents at the end of each weekend, but having honest conversations with her helped us forge a real friendship, so she knew why I had to do it and appreciated my efforts to make our life better

Marianne link

8/3/2015 05:18:59 am

I was a single parent from when my son was 3. So I had to work to pay the bills. Always just wanted to be at home with my lad, doing the school runs etc. But was also torn by the 'urge'/ 'need' to be successful in a career. Constant tugging in two directions. At times, I worked a shift before breakfast, came home, took him to school, went to work, picked him up, did tea, then did another shift at work. My goodness, I'm exhausted thinking about it! But I had to do it. And still never really felt as though I succeeded in any sort of career! And I feel guilty that I had to spend time away from him, and also guilty that I didn't succeed in a 'career'.

Jess

22/6/2016 08:55:15 am

This happens to me all the time. I especially feel guilty when my three year old asks me if he is going to nursery everyday including the weekend (which I have off). I have recently come back to work when my youngest was just three months old, he is poorly this week with a temp but I still have to leave him with the child minder, which at first seemed like I was leaving him with a stranger.

It all just seems to be a routine now and only when I am told Freddie giggled for the first time, did I have that over whelming sinking feeling that I had missed my baby boy's first laugh. I suppose I need to get used to the fact that I will miss many of his 'firsts' but I will always be their for the second, third and many more.

It's swings and roundabouts, as a working mum I do miss a lot, however, we will be having holidays and days out as I'm working to earn and provide a better life, as are all working parents.

I want my boys to grow up proud of what I have done and that is what I hold on to.

Monday - "Mummy has to work..." (Guilt)

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