Friday - "I thought Daddy was picking you up...."

28/4/2017

Kate

28/4/2017 08:38:21 am

Daddy does his fair share of collecting the children and this works really well. This didn't use to be the case though, negotiations and reasoning prompted the new arrangements. Daddy use to be far too busy to collect the children.

Dr Vicky Duckworth

28/4/2017 09:21:51 am

Yes communication is vital. Lucky that Craig is very organised and we used a calender to co-ordinate. Although Craig works shifts so we did not have a regular pattern so we used after school clubs. This was the only way due to.our work. Trouble was we coukdn't always make sports events ... but would make arrangements etc. I think the onus still stays on the women ... even though I know I'm lucky Craig did put his effort in to. He would not forget a pickup ... too organised

Elaine link

28/4/2017 10:22:51 am

We have a board in the kitchen which details everything that is happening during the week, times, dates, kit needed etc. It helps, but it is not foolproof. Keith has done his share of taking the children to school but the majority of the organisation and transport etc is down to me. We do also use friends and family to help out occasionally and this is invaluable. Only once has there been an issue when my friend forgot she was picking up my eldest 2 children. When I got to the arranged meeting point and she wasn't there I went into a mad panic, I couldn't find her or the children anywhere (no mobile phones in those days). I eventually found the children at school (they had been there for almost an hour). I was so upset the Headteacher gave us all a lift home.

28/4/2017 10:25:12 am

This has happened to me and it is the most horrible experience. I think that still I feel I hold all this information and often it was me not giving right info or to husband- so increased pressure from all!!!!!

Liana

28/4/2017 10:27:35 am

Dad's involvement into my daughter's life created more problems for me than solutions.... We got divorced, when my daughter was 3, and from that point I was the only one carrying on my shoulders the joys and the troubles of being a working parent. Being reluctant to travel for an hour to enable her dad take over from me for a weekend, I was pushed by the feeling of guilt of not only depriving my child of my own attention, but also depriving her of the opportunity to spend time with her dad. Unfortunately, her dad has never had enough time, money or commitment to make the journey himself, so it was always me who had to make the arrangements on top of all other parenting responsibilities

Katie

28/4/2017 02:03:07 pm

oh yes, this sounds familiar.What with a "traditional" diary, a family wall planner and phone reminder's, this phrase has been uttered several times with all manner of pre-planning and discussion. Fortunately it has never left my children without being collected at the correct time from school, just a mad panic behind the scenes', work appointment changes, rubbish excuses to clients about why I have to dash off mid meeting and then speeding to school to be in time for school pick up!

Sue link

28/4/2017 08:24:25 pm

Daddy didn't pick my son up - in fact, daddy saw less and less of my son as his new girlfriend tightened the thumbscrews on his relationship with all of his children. Eventually I left the country - ironically with my ex's blessing, telling me he didn't blame me for seeking out pastures new. He came into his own as a father around 5 or 6 years later when my son had to come back to boarding school in the UK while I was living overseas. My son lived with his dad every weekend and it built their relationship massively. Now, my son has a fabulous relationship with us both - at 23, he's well adjusted, happy and flourishing.

Donna

30/4/2017 08:55:00 am

This resonates to me. The child care is left to me and my child's dad doesn't keep a diary (although we have bought him many every Christmas) and relys on me to remind him. As a single parent, I am the default position and feel anxious often when routines have changed through holidays half terms bank holidays etc and worry will he remember to pick my child up. I have turned up on days when it is my turn and he has picked my child up. I know he tries but I wish he would communicate more because then I would be able to relax more. Luckily school is very helpful and aware of potential challenges so I know my child will always be ok.

My child does like to know where they are each night and who will be picking them up but knows I will always be there no matter what.

Arwen

30/4/2017 09:53:30 am

Only once did I experience this when the nursery I had arranged wrap around care with had left my child's name off their list by mistake and the school (quite rightly) refused to let them take him. I got a phone call and made a mad dash to get to school to sort it out. During the 'dash' I went through mild panic, guilt (how will my son feel?) frustration, anger (how could they get it wrong?) resulting in me arriving all flustered! Luckily my son found it quite amusing and it didn't bother him at all - he said he knew 'mummy would sort it'. However, I pride myself on being organised and being able to single-handedly manage my work & kids with only a bit of help from my mum. Yet I felt almost ashamed and embarrassed that despite my best efforts, all had not gone to plan. If only I had the faith in myself that my son had, perhaps I could have saved myself the panic if I had told myself "it'll be alright." Sometimes as parents we feel the need to be superhuman; it helps me to remember that while we may be super, we are still human 😊

Marianne link

30/4/2017 05:42:29 pm

Yes, this was my biggest ever guilt trip - I think I related the story to you. xx

Maureen

1/5/2017 08:29:19 pm

I had one awful incident during the period I was separated/divorced from my husband. we had arranged for him to see my son, as my daughter had refused to see him, on a Saturday. I had a friend over and we went out for the day and thought that my husband had my son. I returned to find my son in the back garden where he had been for most of the day as my husband had only had him for two hours and then dropped him off without checking whether I was in or not. I felt terrible and never went out again whilst he was with my husband. Trying to get my husband to understand that 2 hours every two weeks for a 10 year old was not enough was not easy and fell on deaf ears - especially when his ears were only open to a girlfriend who disliked children... rant over, but guilt still exists - that feeling of sole responsibility. 23 years on relationships are good, and like previous comment - well adjusted but probably not forgotten...

Friday - "I thought Daddy was picking you up...."

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