The Shame Game

15/1/2018

Barbie has been reading a lot about guilt and shame (she reckons she feels both on a regular basis) but whereas guilt is related to what she does (or doesn't do) it turns out shame is more about who she is (or isn't). Maybe She should try to get to the bottom of this after all she knows how much she loves her kids and she really does her best as a mum! Time to say enough to this sh1t 😜 So what
pushes your shame buttons?

9 Comments

Marina

15/1/2018 09:33:41 pm

Shame my children will be ashamed of me ! Though I don't want to put my insecurities onto my children My insecurities are mine not their s to carry Shame haunted my own mother so I try very hard not to let it come too much to the forefront God if she was here she would give you some great material Sarah and I'm sure she would love your work x So I'm saying shame kick that crap to the kerb asap ! x

Sue

15/1/2018 10:07:55 pm

My shame is when I've been stretched to my limits and I react badly to my children. They know I do my best and work really hard to ensure I can provide them, but they don't always know when I need "me" time and sometimes one demand pushes me over the edge. I feel so bad for the over-reaction, but always apologise and explain. The upside is (always looking for positives), they know they can freak out within the safety of home too, and once out of their system, we can laugh about it. The air can be blue in our house, but it's a good way of getting it out of your system. Festering is far worse and I feel can result in a decline in mental wellbeing.

Katie White link

16/1/2018 02:44:57 pm

I feel you, Sue! This is one of the things that triggers my shame response.

Vicky duckworth

15/1/2018 10:57:36 pm

Shame for me is the wrong word ... sadness was / is the right. However, sadness fades & life moves on. Although I can see how on reflection shame can be linked to disappointment of putting too much expectation on ourselves ... but learning to start each day afresh is important ... leavibg what has been behind and trying to embrace the new day x

Wendy

16/1/2018 08:09:30 am

Shame - that I failed them... not enough time given to them...guilty that they both have had very difficult illnesses to deal with...

Katie White link

16/1/2018 02:56:06 pm

There are a couple of things. First, as Sue says, when I reach my limit (too tired and/or hangry and/or have a lot of external pressure to deliver a project or meet a commitment) and am vile to my kids. I go right to shame - feeling like I suck in addition to my actions.

I also feel shame when I am confronted by my limitations. I often feel unlikeable, stupid, awkward in the extreme. It's a wee bit better as I have learned what it means to be a woman with autism spectrum disorder - with understanding comes acceptance. But it's hard to accept that I am hard wired this way. It impacts the kids because I do have a supreme need for time alone, for quiet. And especially with the youngest two, who are incredibly active little boys, it can be hard to balance everyone's needs, including my own. Sometimes I just feel guilt. But other times, it's a full blown shame shame storm because the problem isn't necessarily what I do, it's who I am and there are some things I just can't change.

17/1/2018 08:20:53 am

Because I am not the mother my mother was, because I have chosen to work for my own identity. But my mother did a brilliant job, she stayed at home and was always there for me and my siblings. We have all turned out well. She was selfless and I am not. That gives me a sense of shame.

Helen

17/1/2018 10:51:11 am

Shame is not a word I hold myself up to very often. I too feel saddened, and it makes me sad that my girlfriends feel shame - there is a tendency for this to be around social rules. If we really deconstruct these rules they are not real but constructed by our society. We are human we make mistakes there is no shame in that .... Do I feel guilty, sometimes ... but I try to live a life which our society values, and do not tread on worms or kill insects ... but sometimes I do things I think it should not like shout, feel fury, have sex because I life it.... again natural human things ...

Adele

26/1/2018 10:30:23 pm

I feel saddened that at one point stress of family/work life became so bad that I wanted to escape and my son's felt the stress of this. However I wouldn't change what has happened because I truly believe that we have all come out of the experience wiser and stronger knowing that life isn't perfect. As a family we have worked through our issues and I think that is an important. My children can take the knowledge of how to deal with issues with them into adulthood knowing that life isn't perfect all of the time.

The Shame Game

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